Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
