her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
