bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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