how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
