woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
