i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
