We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
