I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
