Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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