You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
