I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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