Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
