Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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