i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
