Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
