I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
