you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
