she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
