i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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