I think I died a long time ago.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
