Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
