even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
