so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
