I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
