i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The best revenge is premature balding
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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