i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
