handjob tips. give me some.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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