I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize