drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
