She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize