Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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