After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
