at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
