yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
