Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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