Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Pooping to opera.
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