Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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