i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
