I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
