i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
