guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
