is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
