After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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