He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
