I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
