Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
