i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
