I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
