im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Already got asked if we're dating
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
