We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
