i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
