Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
