Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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