i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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