You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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