ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
