Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
