If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
