Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
