I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
