You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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