Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
