did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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