How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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