how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
