You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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