Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
