This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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