i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
