I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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