Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
