The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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