I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
