Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
