So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
